A letter from Jack Samsonite

A letter from Jack Samsonite

Posted by in Guest Posts

Amongst all the other superfantastic stuff we have going on for this June bookbirthday-day (ahem, excellent video, fabulous interview, wonderous extracts) we thought we’d get Jack Samsonite along to convince you to read all about his life in One Seriously Messed-Up Week. So without further ado, here he is . . .


My name’s Jack, I’m a 16 year-old nobody and every word of my story is the absolute truth . . . except for my name, that’s made up . . . and that bit where I just said ‘every word is the absolute truth’, because . . . well, my name wasn’t true, but I already told you that so . . .

Anyway, that’s not important. What is important is that I tell you to read my book. Actually no, it’s only important that you read my book, it doesn’t really matter what I tell you, just as long as you read the book afterwards. I could even tell you ‘ABSOLUTELY DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! IT IS A HUGE STINKING TURD OF A BOOK! (Again, not strictly true).

I could say something like, ‘This story is void of anything resembling something entertaining. I do not get hunted down by some stupid nob-face. I do not spend half my school-life failing to impress one of the most beautiful girls to have ever noticed my existence. And absolutely nothing remotely amusing or embarrassing happens to me at any point.’ (Possibly one of the most untrue-iest things I’ve ever said).

Maybe I should do that movie-pitch thing where they say things like ‘it’s Jurassic Park meets The Sound of Music!’ (it’s not), or ‘it’s The Inbetweeners meets Adrian Mole’ (haven’t seen it, never read that), or ‘it’s Curb Your Enthusiasm meets Stand by Me’ (that’d just be weird). It’s probably closer to the truth to say ‘it’s me meets some other people,’ (that’s going on the poster).

Whatever. Like I said, it doesn’t really matter what I say. But please remember these three very important things . . .

                                     3. It is ALL absolutely true

                                     2. Some of it is a little bit made up

                                     1. It’s frickin’ awesome and you should read it

 There. I think I’ve covered all the bases and said everything that needs to be said.

 I’m going now.


 (not my real name)

 P.S. I strongly recommend you read this book, it’s really rather a little bit completely genius.


You can read an extract here and see author Tom Clempson's publication day video here!

Also,  you can find Tom on twitter and facebook and read more of his witticisms on his blog.

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